I got up this morning, showered, dressed, and left the house for work, just like a thousand times before.
I stopped at the convenience store where I always get my morning cup for my commute, and there, standing outside the door, was the ever more common guy who is seemingly talking to himself. As I got closer, I noticed the tiny Blue Tooth ear piece, and knew he was on the phone, but it is still unnerving to see somebody standing alone, talking, gesticulating wildly to the person to whom he is talking on the unseen phone.
(Incidentally, my wife, my kids, and I call this “Going Borg” after the cybernetic Star Trek race who assimilate humans and other species by implanting all kinds of technological doo dads into them. Whenever we see someone with a Blue Tooth stuck in their ear, we say, “They’ve gone Borg.”)
Anyway, I absolutely hate seeing these people talking to themselves!! It is annoying, and nobody likes it. (If you do this, you should be aware that it makes you look like an idiot, and the sane half of the population is laughing at you. And so am I.)
After getting my coffee, I drove on to work, noticing how many people on the road were talking on the phone as they sped along the freeway. To my estimate, it was easily 1 in 3, but it could have been more. I drive 23 miles one way to work, and this morning, I narrowly avoided being hit 3 times. This is about average for my morning drive, and the afternoon drive is about the same. Today, however, I took notice, and all 3 of the morons who almost hit me had a cell phone to their ear. I can’t help but think that this had to be at least partially responsible for the fact that they could not stay in their lane. Although this is only anecdotal evidence, I will postulate that this means that 5 or 6 times a day, I am almost killed because some moron can’t pull over while he (evidently) closes the biggest business deal of the century. (Or saves the world from nuclear devastation. Or talks a jumper off of a skyscraper. Or negotiates the release of a hostage in Iran. It must be important, whatever it is.)
Well, anyway, I got to work, sat down at my desk, and finished the report that I have been working on all week. Upon completion, I decided to get up, go outside, and have another cup of coffee. I went to the break room to pour myself another cup, and there, sitting alone, carrying on a loud and animated conversation (seemingly with herself) was one of the ladies in our accounting department. Her hair was down over her ear, so I could not see if she had her implant in, but I hope she did. I would hate to think that she was arguing with herself.
A quick trip outside, for a smoke, and then on my way back to my desk, I stopped by the men’s room. As I walked in, I heard a cell phone ringing, and the obligatory “Hello” in answer. I walked on in, and saw no one there, except the presence of a pair of shoes under the stall wall. He was talking on the phone!!! I turned around and immediately left the men’s room, my own reason for entering forgotten.
Is there nothing sacred? Is there nothing out of bounds?
It’s bad enough that when I call someone, I have to think about the fact that they might be standing outside a store, apparently talking to themselves. It worries me that they might be on the road, putting others in danger. I am concerned that they might be in a public place, with people seriously wondering about their sanity.
But now, I have to worry if they are sitting on the toilet? This is just too much. I may never make a phone call again.
And this should give you pause, too.
The next time you call someone, and they ask if they can get back to you later because they’ve got their hands full, it might not mean what you think it means.